December Reflections – Day 11 I discovered that……….

I discovered that I don’t need to hide.

So much of me was hidden. I was taught to fit in. I learned to hide my light, I learned to be good. I tried so hard to please that I almost forgot who I am.


The dreams I had were buried under the frantic pace of my life and the roles I chose to play. They came tapping on the window of my soul, but I didn’t listen so they had to knock the house down.

The longing for something more, something I could not name was rising. In the moments before sleep, I imagined lives I might have lived. But the alarm was set for 5, there was no time for dreams.

The longing persisted, the tiredness increased, the world faded to black and white.

I wondered why doing what was expected, getting what I was supposed to want, felt so incomplete. I called myself ungrateful, decided to focus on gratitude for everything I had.

The longing persisted.

The search continued, the world is full of ways to be content. I wondered if it was too late for me, I was so tired, so busy, so taken up with the needs of others. I scribbled in journals, words full of longing and despair, words I thought I would show no one.

The longing persisted, telling me that share I must.

But I felt as though I was lumbering through the world, barely keeping up with all that had to be done. How could I share? Others have done it better, more eloquently than me. What could I add?

But it would not let me go.

It is not too late and nothing is wasted.

Everything awaits us in this moment. The dishes, the screaming child, the poetry, the imagination, the stillness beneath it all.

The longing cannot be fulfilled in some far off future.

The longing is calling me to THIS moment.

The world needs my voice. The world needs your voice. It needs to hear about our love, our pain, our loneliness, our belonging, our joy, our sorrow, the light in our eyes, the tears streaming down our faces. The whole damn catastrophe.

We need all of it. We need to come out of hiding, we need our light to remind us of the truth.

I discovered that I don’t need to hide.

Neither do you.

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